had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
