Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
