Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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