i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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