i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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