You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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