i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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