I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
