discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
