Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
