that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize