Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We are two peas in an std pod
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
