Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
