i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
