I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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