A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
