I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
