Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up under a house in Key West
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
