i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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