So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were trust falling into bushes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
