that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
