Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
should my penis look like a turkey
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
