Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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