Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
