Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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