I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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