drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
