Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
