His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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