happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
