im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
