Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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