so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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