i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
