I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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