Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
