onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
