people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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