So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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