but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
