Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its liver damage thursday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
