guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she peed on how many people?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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