I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
