Redeem this text for a blowjob
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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