You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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