Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize