She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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