Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is my gift to your gina
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
