i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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