i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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