I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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