He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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