and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
