fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
