____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
