I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
