Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
