The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
