Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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