Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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