John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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