I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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