I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
