k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
