sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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