I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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