I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
