Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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