Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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