is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
