I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
