i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
