I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
