Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
