the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
