I feel great
I just peed on a car
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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