well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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